*RELATIONSHIP SEASONS* learning something new about January, going for a walk. 1.8.19
Jan 8, 2019
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mcT_r5Y2rnQ

you do not have to shave in the month of
January but you guys wanna know
[Music]
you guys it is a fresh start
to a beautiful Monday to 39 degrees here
it's so cold but it's still beautiful
out skies are not really that nasty a
nice relaxing morning well Olli has been
sleeping honey I got to go so I am off
to make you sleep after being off for
two weeks it's you know it's
I now realize being off for the two
weeks I don't know why I'm so ready
but um being on for two weeks I I
definitely can feel the difference like
you know I I can see where my counseling
really comes in great handy but I hope
you guys are having a wonderful I have
no clue what all we have in story no
Ollie said that this week it's gonna
start his busier time which I'm totally
fine like so schedule things are gonna
be kind of you know we're gonna be
working into a different type of
schedule a little bit with just I know
we need to go to Costco but I
might try why I need to go to the post
office that's for sure I've got two
boxes that I have to get shipped out
today so that is one thing I have to
have to have to have to do and then not
sure but anyways I am here you guys so I
am going to run in because I did want to
be late but I will check in with you
guys as soon as I get out I again hope
you guys are having a wonderful start to
yours this week and I will talk to you
guys oh okay I am just getting out
oh it's 42 so it's gotten warmer but
good isn't don't feel like it
[Music]
all right now I am on my way home go see
what my chickens in my hubby you're
dealing see if they finally evolved as
we spoke he's cold
he's like where are you I said I'm on my
way home he said okay because behind me
stay to the side
he was asking where it was that because
he's making che which is t as most of
you guys know sounds like a date to me
so counseling went really good you know
I just I again like I've said a million
times over I love my counselor she is so
amazing she knows how to like just
she helps me understand things in a way
that I don't see it as clearly sometimes
and you know learning that sometimes I
need to be able to what's the word be
able to kind of separate myself from
things to not make it all about like my
feelings so you know if somebody is
struggling with something and they're
coming to me to talk to them or you know
confide in me or whatever it might be
making sure to remind myself to stay out
of the bubble and be there rather than
put myself in the bubble because that
makes me be part of the problem or part
of their problem rather than be that
person that friend and you know and I
can even use that in my own situations
at times when I've you know needed to
confide in my husband and and he's
always so good about taking himself and
being there for me emotionally
supporting me and physically even
supporting me and you know he's really
good about able to
separate himself from those things and I
sometimes I think I allow myself because
I want to fix everybody's problems I
want to fix the issue I you know I am a
people pleaser
I am a peacemaker I am everything of the
above so if I see somebody you know
hurting or you know in a situation I
want to immediately go and fix the
problem because I don't want to see and
so you know that's what I have to really
work on right now being that friend that
ultimately I need to be right now and
not put my millions into the pump much
more than just being there to support
the person that needs me at that moment
you know when I talk to her about having
someone for myself to come and I told
her I said you know I really
you know I I keep a lot of people have
nervous distance and I think that's not
a fear of rejection because I had that
happened to me I've allow people come
close to me and you know ultimately at
the end of the day I've ended up
severely ER and you know I can only
count on one hand being able to say I
really have a really good gut gut close
friends because it's far and in between
do I allow someone to come in back close
to me and it's sad because the ones that
I have allowed to come close to me
they've ended up hurting me and it's
turned me away from wanting to get close
to anybody because in my mind I go back
to
I'm just gonna end up hurting so I
definitely just go straight back up to I
don't wanna get close to anybody you
don't want any friends like you know I'm
good without friends because I would
rather not have friends then have
friends in be hurt but that's also not a
healthy thing either so you know I need
to find my my medium you know where I
you know have somebody that I can talk
to other than my counselor because my
counselor she's there but I also need a
friend I need a confidant you know and
and I know all of you guys are you know
amazing and and I do talk to you guys I
do and I share a lot with you guys but I
need someone not so physically able to
be a friend at times when I really am
desperately needing that because
sometimes you're a person your husband
your wife whomever it is may not be able
to emotionally be there for you at the
moment that you're needing someone to
emotionally be there for you so having
that you know that extra friend
confidant that's very important and I
didn't realize how important it truly is
to have that I I didn't know that so it
was a good good lesson I guess you'd say
you know having a friend and having that
person because not always is your spouse
gonna be there like you need them to and
it's not because they don't love you
it's not because you know they're
rejecting you but sometimes your spouse
just is in a different state of life at
that very moment you know and it's it's
okay I mean me and olea have been in
positions where we might be not exactly
in a position where one or the other can
be a hundred percent there for them
because we go through our own things too
you know but always having somebody to
confide in and to talk to and vent to
when bounce ideas and things and
emotions off of each other is very very
very very important so that is something
is on my lip I thought there was
something lip it is very important to
have anyways I am gonna go in and go and
drink some tea with my husband all right
I am checking in you guys so we are on
our way to I've got two packages I've
got two packages going out today I've
got another order that I will be
shipping out oh I am getting so excited
because I see the orders coming through
so don't don't lose the timing because
Valentine's is coming up if you want to
get your orders in for your left
[Music]
make sure you put your order in so I can
have time to get him up and out before
it's Valentine's and I can also do
personalized stuffed animals as well so
it's just an idea
those are $5 for whatever so anyways
it's 40 for you guys it's one up two
degrees since I last talked to you it's
still crazy but I didn't do much at home
other than get my vlog up while I edited
it and got that up and then answered
some of your guys's messages and and if
there's a time where I'm not that I
don't message you guys and it's been a
few days it could be that it's somehow
like fell lower than where I normally go
to see my messages so it's not that I am
like deliberately like not answering the
message I just didn't see it so I
noticed that today I had went down a
little bit lower for some reason I don't
know why I think I was looking for a
particular comment and I couldn't find
it so I had to go into a different part
of my YouTube and I seen some that I
hadn't even answered in my five days and
I'm like oh my gosh so if that happens
just kind of miss and like message on
there hey I messaged you earlier on
another video I'll go down and look in
for some reason I didn't get to it but I
try to
I try to keep up with them as much as I
possibly can and I promise I try to get
back to everybody cuz you all are so
special to me so it just makes me feel
so good to have you guys in my life
anyways I'm not exactly sure what we are
doing but we're doing something so I
decided to come along for the ride
I'm just here for his companionship
yesterday when I was at Walmart
I was looking for something because I've
really been having a bad sweet tooth and
I tend to normally jump to like have
something sweet you know
because I'm trying not to know he wants
these ones I got these there know how to
describe it there but they're 70 colors
for one they're a fat boy frizzy pop
yeah frizzy pop anyways I thought sure
that because you know and it's not
really ice cream it's like a almost like
an Italian soda I guess how you would
describe it but anyways I just want to
show you what I was eating
hey so you know what I was gonna say
that when you guys see like misspelling
words or anything in that manner I am
NOT doing it on purpose you guys please
have patience with me because when I am
typing something up on my phone a lot of
times my the phone will change my word
even if I spell it correctly my phone
think it has its own brain and it just
decides to change my words whenever it
feels like it and if it's not changing
that it's I'm on my laptop and I'm
typing so fast and I'm not looking at my
keyboard that my fingers will hit
letters and I'll forget to go back and
proofread before I go and submit it so
just know that I'm not doing it on
purpose
it's literally me just typing so quickly
that I don't realize that I have hit a
different button or whatever but
definitely keep that in mind because I
know
had comments made to me in the past or
and just recently I seen another comment
where I just don't want you guys
thinking I'm doing on purpose because
I'm I really am NOT but I just honestly
get going so fast that I forget but
anyways I just want to point that out to
you guys that I'm sorry
okay you guys I have something I heard
it on the radio so you know the saying
in November it's November shave or shape
November I don't know so shave something
right in November so you're not supposed
to shave right well the radio just said
that I guess there's a new one and it's
called January Jenny
Harry I about crapped myself when I
heard that I thought my god if you got
if you're gonna make up reasons for not
shaving just don't shave like why do we
gotta have mom's where we get to be
shave free so too so yeah I felt died
when I heard that so yes that is the new
thing you guys it is called Jan you
Harry so you do not have to shave in the
month of January no I am walking I
thought why not tonight is a beautiful
night is not raining it would be a
wonderful little walk to take for myself
so always like just go take some time go
for a walk
it's a fresh air so I was like okay so
I'm walking around my neighborhood and
it's like even though it's a little bit
dark it's not bad because my
neighborhood such a nice neighborhood so
honestly it is I feel safe walking by
myself
even though it's getting a little bit
dark but yeah so it is like I feel like
it's cold enough to snow and I'm like
not dressed
warmest I've been walking for a while
but I was like well I'll get a little
bit of walk in I'm in was working with
you guys and then I'll walk a little bit
more but I've been walking for about 15
minutes
so anyways okay I just wanted to check
in with you guys haven't already to pass
out but by the time I'm done it'll be
about a 30 minute walk so that's a nice
little walk for me anyways alright I
will talk with you guys in a little bit
I cannot believe I made it to the end of
Monday it has been a long day it has
been a really good day but it's been a
long day I did an amazing walk oh my
gosh you guys oh it felt so good I was
freezing oh I was freezing but it felt
so good I ended up walking for almost 40
minutes by the time I was done but it
felt great I just was like yeah that's
what I like and it was just nice you
know and having only just be like go go
for a walk go and just let your herd let
your hair down let your guard down and
go take a walk and just enjoy it breathe
the fresh air let it me you know and it
just it did it felt so good and I did I
was gonna take the kids with me but it's
so cold I just was like absolutely not I
am NOT it was hurting my bones it was
hurting so bad but I was so cold but I I
gotta walk in and I felt amazing so I
did 40 minutes of walking and then I
came home and I cleaned up this room
other than the laundry you see behind me
that I need to still fold but it was a
really good evening and then for dinner
Olly made chicken wings in the air fryer
they were so good oh my gosh what a
difference between frying
chicken wings and air frying chicken
wings they just have such an amazing
taste
oh they tasted really good and then I
just had a salad on the side so it was a
really good dinner and other than that
today for food I had you see for
breakfast I had just a regular breakfast
sandwich like I sometimes do we hadn't
had the stuff I haven't had English
muffins for a few weeks so I hadn't had
I haven't had breakfast ounces for a few
weeks but I had one of those this
morning and then I had to air fried
falafel this after I came home from
counseling with some tea and then I had
that sherbert thingy or whatever it is
and it's not really sure Brits and like
an Italian ice cream type thing I had
that and then other than that I just had
dinner and so and I'm drinking this is
my third water today you guys so I'm
feeling really really good but I was on
Facebook the other day I was actually on
Facebook and you know when you're on
Facebook sometimes I'm not on Facebook
very often actually I can go quite a few
days in between actually getting on
Facebook I'm doing better though because
I have been getting a lot more messages
and then with vinyl net designs page
being linked to my facebook I do go on
quite a bit so I can check my messages
and make sure everything's going through
and so I was on there and somebody had
that on my facebook they had shared a
like a quote or whatever it was and it
really hit me in a way that I was just
like thinking like it really made sense
to me in the season of life that I'm in
right now and so when I read it I was
like you know this is a really good
quote that I'm going that I'm going
through right now and dealing with
relationships around me and it just says
just like seasons people
change and that's such a strong message
in so many small world words just like
seasons people change and it made me
think about it and I thought you know
it's so true though
I look over my dynamics of relationships
and friendships and my marriage and my
children's relationships with me and you
know I think it's normal for all
relationships to go through seasons I
think every individual relationship is
based in their own their own scale
because some people have been in your
life longer than others so every scale
of an individual relationship is
measured differently but I believe that
every relationship that you have goes
through seasons and some of those
seasons are when it's like winter you
know it's dark and you know it's cold
there's not much feelings and then
there's the season where it's you know
going through like a spring and your
relationship is blossoming and it's
growing and you're got more of a level
relationship and then you've got you
know the summer relationship where you
know you're going out and having a lot
of fun and there's a lot of excitement
and there's new things that you guys are
learning about each other and just a lot
of adventure and then there's fall where
things kind of calm down maybe contact
is a little bit less but you're still
contacting but it's just not as much you
kind of go through that season of just
you know you're there but you're not
really there all the time available wise
emotionally and I really was thinking
about that and just the whole circle of
sea
go in every type of direction in your
life and you know sometimes you know
even in a marriage you know when you're
going through like the winter stage of
your marriage and it's kind of just that
dry season that season of just you guys
exist but you just coexist you're not
really on a personal level 100% you guys
are in the home but there's a lot of
distance and I kind of view that as like
a winner win our relationship and you
know it doesn't mean in your marriage if
you're going through that type of a
relationship season that you know you're
gonna go and get a divorce or you know
one or the other are cheating or you
know they're you know there's lies or
you know anything like that but it's
just there's a point in some people's
marriages that reach just that dry spell
and you have to find a way to bring your
marriage from that season and move it
because you don't want to stay in that
season because if you stay in that
season eventually everything's gonna dry
up and eventually there won't be
anything else there for you and you will
pull away from each other and there
won't be a marriage because when you
finally take a step back and look you
allowed so much dryness to happen
between the two of you that you have
nothing else to grab because anything
you touch is just gonna break and that's
when I believe divorce and separations
and infidelity and all of those things
happen and Trust gets broken and the
list can go on but if you can if you can
accept okay my marriage is in this
season and I need to figure out a way to
make this marriage go to the next season
or
need to make this friendship go to the
next season I don't want it to dry up I
don't want to lose this person you have
to accept that you're going to have to
put effort into that relationship no
matter where you're at you're gonna have
to water it you're gonna have to put
time and effort into it because
otherwise like I said your relationships
going to dry up and you know some people
change you know the friend that you had
at the beginning of a relationship they
can change and become somebody totally
different than the person you knew
before and sometimes that's a good thing
and sometimes that can really be a
season changer and you know sometimes
those people change so much in life that
you just have nothing more in common and
you then have to ask yourself is it
worth continuing to water this
relationship and try and move it to the
next level of season if there's just
nothing there that makes you to meet in
the middle to put half and half into
because you can't have one putting
everything in and not having the other
person putting their part but if they're
on a total different level than you are
they're not going to because they're not
anywhere close to where you're at in
that relationship so what you're
expecting to put in they're not
expecting to put in and sadly ice I see
that that's where a friendship could
come to an end and you part ways or you
you know decide that okay this
relationship is just not going to
benefit either one of us so it's time to
close that chapter and move on to the
next stage of life where is finding new
friendships and finding yourself again
and finding where you belong and again
that could go with a marriage you know
sometimes that comes to that point where
you have to ask yourself is this
marriage a marriage that I want to stand
is it bringing me benefits is it is it
bringing the best out of
because if your answers are no then you
really have to step back and look at the
entire picture and ask yourself okay I
see the whole picture I see that I am
Amit emotionally I'm drained
I'm tired I'm not emotionally even
available to put any more effort into
this and at that point that's when you
say okay I think I have except to close
this chapter it's gonna be the best
thing and it will bring a new different
adventure for your life to another level
and that's what seasons of relationships
are all about some relationships are
lifetime and other relationships are
therefore temporary
their temporary relationship but it's
how much of that relationship do you
want it to be temporary or that you want
it to become a complete full-on lifetime
relationship and I even I even focus
this on even my mother's and I
relationship what you know I ask myself
the same question when it comes to her
and my relationship how much of a
relationship do we seriously have how
much of a relationship do I desire I can
only answer for myself I can't answer
for her but as the other person you can
see how much the other person is showing
that they want to have in that
relationship
so with my mom I love her
unconditionally and I know she loves me
unconditionally do we have a
mother-daughter relationship that would
last a lifetime No
I don't believe that me and my mother
will ever have a relationship where it's
a mother-daughter relationship just
because my mom has been absent majority
of my life so that mother-daughter bond
was never made so I don't feel like that
relationship would ever be but a
friendship most definitely there is a
relationship there but with my mom's
type of a relationship
I couldn't even say if it really even
goes through a season with my mom's kind
of relationship I feel that it just
glides at a steady pace there's no true
circle in our relationship I don't
really feel that there has ever been a
time where we've had that summer
relationship or that spring relationship
we have we have had a winter
relationship where I broke all ties for
about eight months because I was
learning about myself I was learning
about communication and I was setting
boundaries boundaries were kind of being
stepped on and not respected and that's
kind of when I was in my deep shell
right before I broke out and became this
new person that I was finding but with
mine and her relationship we just glide
there just really is nothing with our
relationship as you know since Mother's
Day last year so last what Mother's days
in May I believe so we're gonna say last
May last Mother's Day 20 seen my mother
twice my children have seen my my mother
once one time I drove to go and see her
meet up with her at a restaurant and we
spent about an hour maybe an hour and a
half but I'm gonna say an hour and we
had a nice breakfast and we parted our
ways and she came here and spent about
say two hours and then she left so in
almost a year
I have literally seen my mom twice now
she calls me usually every day - every
other day to check in and see how things
are going so I view mine in her
relationship as more of like a phone
call relationship and there are those
type of relationships there are what's
called a phone call relationship there
is a person-to-person relationship
there's an online relationship there are
different categories of relationships
and mine and her is more of a phone call
relationship and again that's okay I I
don't get angry about it sometimes I
feel like that's the type of friend I
really am is I do very good at texting I
do amazing a snapping but when it comes
to phone calls I am really bad at that
because I I really don't like talking on
the phone it's not because they don't
like talking to people that's not that's
clearly noted but I just you know it I
would rather snap or text email it's
just easier for me but with mine and her
relationship that's how she's done it
and maybe that's what she's more
comfortable with
we don't live but like 45 minutes away
but I won't drive up to her home because
she lives way up
I and most of you go won't even know
where it's at but it's called Detroit
Lake she lives about 20 minutes from
there so it's a lot of windy roads it's
very very known for accidents there's
drop-offs
there's the dam up there and it's really
not the safest route to get to her house
and uh and there's tons of both mmm from
about November to February March usually
it's snow and ice and I won't even try
you are not getting me in the car when
it's snowing so for me I will not put my
kids in the car and drive somewhere that
I know that it's very known for
accidents dear she's hit dear it's just
it's not the very safest route but the
and also you know to drive up there I
don't go up that direction
I really don't but she comes into Salem
all the time and she just was in Salem
this last weekend and there's no effort
there's no call hey can I stop by can I
see the kids can I come and give you a
hug really quick I just want to stop by
for five minute there's really no effort
and that again is that shows where our
relationship is that it's at a very
level space there's nothing there's no
put in here put in there no it's very
and so you know the next time that you
really look back at your relationships
ask yourself what season is my
relationships right now are they all in
a dry spell are there some that you put
more efforts into than others and what
relationships are worth putting more
effort into and what are some that maybe
aren't going really anywhere and it's
probably best that they're not bringing
out the best in you and it's probably
better to close that chapter and that's
kind of where I'm at right now is asking
myself the same question what
relationships I have in my life
which ones are you know blossoming and
becoming beautiful and then which ones
are really just dried up and just really
there's no life left in them
it's just best to part ways is that easy
no because sometimes comfort and comfort
but also you know the familiar the
familiar anus of a relationship is
sometimes more comfortable than closing
a relationship and moving to another
relationship sometimes that's very
uncomfortable that means that you have
to be vulnerable and meet new people and
get back out there and start the whole
process over of building a relationship
and you know in like since starting my
channel you know I have created so many
friendships all around the world it is
amazing and the funny thing is is that
every one of those relationships I view
as a blossomed relationship I am
constantly in contact with everyone you
know they're in contact with me I see
that relationship evolving and really
you know I've got people asking me when
are you gonna come to Australia when are
you coming here and it's like you guys I
want to come everywhere if I could just
travel the world I would but I mean I
get asked that all the time and it's
like wow they're asking when am i coming
that direction when can I come so they
can meet me but then I have people that
are only 45 minutes away that could come
anytime and choose not to so that kind
of gives you that measurement of where
relationships stand how much of a
priority is your relationship with the
other person and vice versa to the other
person so anyways I know I'm just
babbling on here but it was just
something that really struck me and it
really made me think about and it really
made me really sit back and just think
about everybody in my life and how
seasons do really work the same and
relationships and it's amazing when you
really start thinking about that and
asking yourself that you really
open your eyes to see things in a total
different light and it makes you really
start questioning yourself like how much
do I want to give into this relationship
how much is it exhausted me for trying
in this relationship and if your answers
are completely basic dry answers then
you're pretty much telling yourself
what's next but if you think in that
relationship that there's that you could
see it's turning brown but there's still
a little green if you touch the branch
of the relationship it's not gonna snap
but it's getting pretty hard blossom it
put more effort into it show yourself to
that person be compassionate to that
relationship and watch how it changes
but if you just think that it's just dry
it's dead it's gone it's gonna catch on
fire somebody cops on it and that's a
relationship that the chapter needs to
be closed on and you just have to
finally move on and that's healthy for
you as an individual it's not being mean
it's not being rude it's a boundary you
have to make for yourself and for your
own personal mental health is keeping
your relationships at a level that is
worth your effort and time and energy
you don't want to put your own energy
into something that somebody else is not
willing to do the same or meet up with
you
so anyways enough of all that
friendship talk I am gonna go and take a
shower because I want a shower before
bed but I will be checking in with you
guys tomorrow I don't know exactly what
tomorrow I do have some work I need to
do so maybe I will bring up another
vinyl show but other than that I think
I think that's all I have tomorrow so
anyways I will check in with you guys
though tomorrow
bright and shiny in the morning until
then you guys sweet dreams bye bye
